Is it possible that there is one big cause of emotional pain and suffering?
Yes! The significant source of suffering is UNKINDNESS – to yourself and others.
Let us take a look at why unkindness causes most of the pain on earth.
When you’re unkind to yourself though your thoughts, such as judging yourself by telling yourself you aren’t good enough, how do you feel? Anxious, fearful, hurt, angry?
When you’re unkind to yourself through your self-abandoning actions, like eating badly, not exercising, or ignoring your own feelings and choosing addictions, how do you feel? In the long run you might end up feeling physically sick, scared, alone and so forth. Your self-abandoning lack of self-kindness is causing your distress.
When you are unkind to others through your words or deeds, how can you end up feeling? Your unloving actions are causing your suffering.
Suffering is the result of unkindness to ourselves and to others. Would we have wars, famine, crime, homelessness or abuse if we had been focused on kindness to ourselves and to others?
Suffering Is a Result of the Wounded Self
The suffering in the world results from our wounded selves. The wounded self is not concentrated on true kindness. The wounded self is focused on control, and may even use kindness toward others as a kind of control, but control is not type and will eventually lead to distress.
This can never change on the amount of the wounded self. We cannot move to kindness unless that’s our intent, and the intent of the wounded self is always to restrain ourselves and others. The injured self feels that controlling brings safety. It is devoted to controlling since it came into being when we were young to try to make us feel safe. The wounded self does not understand that its current attempts to make us feel safe cause our suffering.
Consciously Changing Your Intent Can Heal Your Suffering
It is only when our intent changes from control to learning what is most kind to ourselves and others that true change can happen. When you decide to concentrate on the question,”What is most kind to me in this moment?” And then follow through with the kind thought or action – toward yourself and others – you will be on the path of ending your suffering. As long as your key focus is unconsciously on the questions,”How do I have control over feeling safe and loved? How can I have control over not being controlled?” You’ll be perpetuating your suffering.
Kindness is always a CONSCIOUS choice. If you don’t consciously choose your intent – your attention in the moment – then you will unconsciously be focused on control.
Practicing Inner Work Recovery Process Can End Your Suffering
This is what practicing Inner Work is all about. It’s about choosing to be aware of your suffering so that you can consciously choose to take responsibility for it by consciously choosing the intent to find out about the way your wounded self is causing your distress. It’s about consciously choosing to open to your advice about what is most kind to yourself in any given moment regarding your thoughts and actions toward yourself and others. It’s about consciously deciding to put kindness into action through your thoughts and actions.
If you decide to practice Measure One of Internal Work – practicing mindfulness of your internal experience, of your feelings, your emotions, your own distress, and consciously deciding to take 100% responsibility for your emotions – then you can consciously choose the other steps of Inner Work Recovery Process. Practicing Step One is the first step toward ending your suffering.